cerastes:

Alright so I’m home and I’m gonna talk to you about bread.

So there’s this brand of bread here, Ideal, brand looks like this:

But way back in the day, the brand had another name:

If you notice, the mascot still has the “B” in the modern brand emblazoned on its hat. Thing is, I, and likely the executive that decided on the name, had no idea that Bimbo meant something in English. So, life is good, Dreamer is young, and I love my Bimbo Bread. Then, my step brothers from the U.S. move in into our home, and being from the U.S., they speak English. At that point, I, too, already spoke English, but I wasn’t truly versed in commonplace parlance and slang, so the next day, we’re having breakfast, and I ask my mom to make me some toast with Bimbo, and they kinda look at me, wide eyed, and start snickering. ??? Alright whatever.

Then she produces the bag of bread with the word BIMBO in big red letters and they just lose their shit. At this point, I had to know, so I ask them, yo, what’s up, what’s the japes, what’s the bucket of tomfoolery dig up from the cajolery well? What are you having a peacock about this fine morning? So the older one says “you are eating BITCH BREAD, bimbo is slang is bitch,” and I, being both young (I was 13? 14?) and latinoamerican and thus extra susceptible to Bad Words In Foreign Languages, also lose it. So from there we start shitting around that we are eating toasted bitches, which is the cusp of comedy for 14 year olds. Then I tell them what their slogan is: “Siempre Rico, Siempre Fresco” (”Always Tasty, Always Fresh”), and that’s when it got out of control and they start saying they want to eat more Fresh Vagina Sandwiches, and that’s why, among the three of us, sandwiches made with a specific brand of bread were known as Fresh Vagina Sandwiches, and there was nothing my non-English-speaking mother could do about it because she never cracked the Enigma code until years later when we told her what we were really laughing at so hard during breakfast sometimes.

I can’t begin to tell you how their eyes widened when they saw my mom pull out this bag with “BIMBO” in big red letters.